I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
