Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
