The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
