i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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