I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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