so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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