I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
