Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
