shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
