that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
