dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
