Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
