at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
