He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
