I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
