tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
