This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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