I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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