At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
