She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
