he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
