just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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