In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
