Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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