you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
