I've blown a few things in my day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
