I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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