uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
