If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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