Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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