just tell him i said nine months
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is wine microwaveable?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
