I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
