but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
