What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
