At least make sure they are 18
Why
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
