im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
