I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
