where am i from again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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