yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
