come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
