just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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