Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
