Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
