I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
