can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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