they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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