$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
