Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
