My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
