it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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