I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
