The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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