Too much gin, very little bucket
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We're too hungover to prance.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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