And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
