Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
