You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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