It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
