Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
