just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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