i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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