If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
