I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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