i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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