If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
