bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
