Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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