Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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