we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
