I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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