Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
