My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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