If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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