She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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