Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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