do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
